What to Do for Kids When Acting Out Is Out of Control

Despite parents' best intentions, sometimes kids' acting out isn't a one-time situation. Almost every kid acts out at some point or another as a response to stress or feeling overwhelmed, but sometimes this behavior can be a sign of a bigger problem.

Here are some ways you can get to the bottom of what's causing your kids to act out more than usual

Let them know you’re there to help

If your child is acting out because they don't know how to express a strong emotion, approach their feelings with curiosity. Let them know you're on their side by saying, "I can see you're upset, help me understand why so that I can help.” Once you have a better understanding of the feelings or worries underlying the acting-out, offer some tips that maybe work for you. “When I’m feeling really frustrated about something, sometimes I like to take a few minutes and do something simple and fun to take my mind off of it.” Statements like these help them see that these negative feelings are normal and can be dealt with.

Last, but far from least, offer to help them at difficult times going forward. Let them know that if they feel these overwhelming feelings in the future, that they can come to you for help before a plate full of food needs to hit the ground. Creating a space where your child feels comfortable coming to you will help to stop some of these behaviors before they arise.

Take it easy on yourself

We’ve painted a pretty rosy picture of how this can go, so here’s a little dose of reality: it won’t always be this simple. Your kiddo may give you an endless string of “I don’t knows” when you’re trying to help them explore their feelings. They may even say some things that were even more inflammatory than the initial act. If that happens, this doesn’t mean the process was a failure. Sometimes kiddos aren’t ready to dive into these things immediately. But the fact that you took a calm and curious approach - regardless of what they manage to share - sends a message that you are there for them when these negative feelings arise and they don’t need to end in fights and yelling.

Similarly, if you aren’t able to compose yourself at the start, and you respond harshly to acting out behavior, take it easy on yourself. Recognize that this is difficult for parents and children alike, and remind yourself that you’ll do better the next time.

Finally, this is not a cure-all. If you’re doing these things and your child is still acting-out on occasion, that’s okay. We’re not shooting for perfection.

When to call a professional

While there are ways for parents to handle acting out alone, there is certainly no problem with seeking professional support. If it seems as though your child’s behavior is getting a lot worse, or if you think it might be interfering with their development, you may wish to reach out to a doctor or therapist for more individualized support.