3 Reasons Kids Struggle with Expressing Strong Emotions

Most parents have a hard time believing that kids sometimes struggle with expressing strong emotions. After all, we’re too often on the receiving end of tantrums, eye-rolling, and yelling.

But kids with a strong sense of self-control have an easier time responding, rather than reacting, to stressful situations and expressing the right emotion in the first place.

Consider this scenario: your child comes home from school. You ask them how their day went. “Fine,” they say. You can tell something isn’t quite right, but only respond with one-word answers to your questions so you give up.

A few minutes later, your child starts crying and yelling because you’re out of their favorite afternoon snack. “You never get me what I want! It’s so unfair!” They slam the cabinet and storm out of the room.

What you do next has a big impact on how this conflict will be resolved. You may have your own strong emotions to deal with. You may be at a loss for words or you may want to yell back.

Your child’s lapse in self-control may be a sign that they’re having difficulty expressing strong emotions. Here are three reasons that might be the case:

They don’t know what the feeling is

Kids don’t always understand the nuances of naming their emotions. Adults may be able to understand the difference between furious and agitated, or even the difference between shame and anger.

But kids tend to think in generalizations, labeling all strong negative emotions as feeling “bad.”

They also may not be able to pinpoint exactly why they feel bad, leaving you without the information you need to make it better.

You can help by talking regularly about emotions during calm times to give your child a larger emotional vocabulary.

They feel overwhelmed

Questions like “How was your day?” are too broad for most kids to answer in a meaningful way.

Over the course of a school day, lots of good, bad, and neutral things can happen.

Plus, if your child is experiencing a strong emotion (positive or negative!), they may be too caught up in the experience of the feeling to articulate what’s causing it.

Psychologists call the event that triggers a strong emotion an “antecedent” but your child may not be able to identify that for you without practice.

This is also a good topic to talk about during calmer times, and the HeyKiddo App has conversation tips that you can use to do that without sounding awkward.

They aren’t sure how you will react

Bad reactions to stressful situations aren’t unique to kids. Lots of parents let their own emotions get the best of them sometimes and react in a way they regret later.

Unfortunately, this might cause your child to avoid expressing how they really feel around you. The good news is that it’s not too late to establish trust with your child and let them know that you love and support them even during stressful times.

Everyday conversations about emotions, conflict resolution, and giving each other constructive feedback can go a long way in improving your whole family’s social, emotional, and leadership skills.

When you understand the reasons behind why your child may struggle with expressing their strong emotions, you can help them identify and resolve the root cause of their stress.

A blow up about snack time might have been caused by something totally unrelated like a fight with a friend, getting a bad grade, or even just being too hungry! 

You and your child can learn breathing techniques to quickly lower stress and strengthen self-control. Start by taking a deep inhale for 3 counts and exhale for 5 counts. Repeat as often as you need.

Did you know that a longer exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is key for lowering stress in the body?

Learning how to handle strong emotions gives your child a chance to practice their self-control skills and develop a greater understanding of themselves.

The next time your child has a tough time, try to get to the bottom of what’s really going on first.