3 Ways to Help Kids Deal with Cancellations, Disruptions, and Disappointments

Kate remembers the day she had to tell her 4-year-old son that an impending summer storm would cancel their long-waited and much-loved annual trip to the fair.

“I don’t think he really understood what was going on,” Kate explained. “But it hurt so much to break his heart. I didn’t know what to do or how to manage my own feelings. None of the other plans I suggested made it better and I found my sadness morphing to irritation then anger pretty quickly. After that, I knew I needed to find a better way to handle this because disappointments are a normal part of life.”

Kate’s right!! Cancellations and disruptions are a normal part of life. Everything, from a school snow day the same day as the Valentine’s party or a cancelled vacation due to a death in the family, can bring up intense feelings. 

Helping your child cope with big and small disappointments develops resilience and other vital social, emotional, and leadership skills.

You’re probably not thinking about developing these skills in the moment when you first learn of a disruption, but here are 3 ways to move forward once you break the bad news:

1. Take Care of Yourself

Parents often want to appear unfazed by bad news around their kids in order to be a strong and stable presence. But this approach doesn’t always work as intended.

This is in part because the imbalance of feelings (“I feel sad, but why doesn’t Mom?”) could cause kids to question whether their reaction is appropriate.

Modeling emotional regulation also helps kids understand the complexity of feelings. Expressing strong emotions in a safe, productive way shows kids that it’s okay to be honest about feelings when they show up.

You may need extra space to process your emotions, by spending time with friends or focusing on hobbies. Allow yourself the opportunity to de-stress so that you can stay focused on the present moment to support your family in ways that feel right to them.

2. Identify What You Can and Can’t Control

There’s a popular quote from Fred Rogers that can help put negative situations into perspective:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” 

Scary world events may make us feel out of control or overwhelmed, but looking to the helpers reminds us that there’s always something to be done.

In the case of coronavirus, you may not be able to control that your spring break vacation is cancelled, but you can control how you respond.

You can choose to focus on the care you show for your friends, family, and community. You can control how you spend your time. You can control your attitude and how you move forward.

3. Adjust Your Mindset

After the strong feelings have subsided and you’re ready to make a plan for what comes next, having a flexible mindset can turn disruptions and disappointments into opportunities.

Working from home while kids are home from school isn’t ideal, but this could be a chance to share your work with your children in a new way.

A cancelled vacation may mean more time and energy to get to know your own community or discover new ways you like to spend time together as a family.

You can take pride in being an adaptable and resilient family!

We checked in with Kate to find out if HeyKiddo™, our text-based subscription, has helped her talk to her child (now 7 years old) in dealing with disappointments.

She says, “I’m not the bad guy as often anymore! I have so much more confidence knowing that I’m actually helping him become more resilient when our plans change.”