“I’m Losing My Mind!”: How to Deal When You Feel All the Feels

You read all the articles about wellness and self-care and how to breathe through strong emotions but sometimes...it’s not enough. Long periods of stress that have no defined ending (such as the global pandemic we went through) present unique challenges in how we experience complex feelings.

Psychologist Dr. Pauline Boss developed the term “ambiguous loss” to help make sense of this kind of stress with a cause that’s hard to pin down.

Complex stressors come with complex feelings. For example, political tension might make you feel angry but also hopeful.

These periods of stress might feel scary but they also make space for gratitude. Explaining complex situations to kids isn’t always easy, so our instinct tends to keep our feelings to ourselves.

But here are some reasons why it’s important to talk to kids about your feelings even if you feel (a little) out of control:

Don’t Put Off Until Tomorrow What You Can Process Today

Have you ever noticed that you can carry around a negative emotion for a long time, but as soon as you have a chance to talk about what’s really going on, you start feeling better almost right away?

When you name your feelings and share them with your child (“I feel sad and overwhelmed”), you start processing your feelings. The more you put off acknowledging the feelings, the longer you’ll stay in pain.

If your kiddo senses that you’re upset, they might assume they’re the cause of your pain. Sharing your feelings can clear the air and puts you on a path to feeling better sooner.

Feelings Are Nothing More Than Feelings

Internet culture has a shorthand for complex emotions: feels. As in, “I’m feeling all the feels” or “I’m in my feels.”

It’s a useful way to explain that something is off about your emotional state and you could use some support.

Sometimes it takes too much energy to explain every detail of how you’re feeling especially if those feelings are complex, so a code word can help your family understand without needing a lot of background information.

One HeyKiddo™ family says that their code phrase is "I’m out of spoons,” a phrase that comes from the disability advocacy community. 

However you express yourself, it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling. All feelings are valid. Finding healthy ways to express your feels is the next important step. Moving or talking them out may be methods that work for you.

You Have to Accentuate the Positive

Stop and think about where you are right now. Really, right now. You’re reading this blog post. You feel safe enough to stop and read because you’re not, say, being chased by a bear.

And if that’s true, that probably means that life is okay right...now.

Staying focused on the present moment doesn’t make your feelings go away, but it can help you put it all in perspective.

Modeling this reframing for your child is an important skill they can learn to manage their own emotions.

A quick way to practice mindfulness is to use your senses and find 3 things you see, hear, smell, and touch.  Can you find something to appreciate about this moment? That’s what’s real right now.

Your feelings may be overwhelming, but they don’t have to control you. Feel the feels and then let them go.